Frozen...

        There are times in ones life when they feel frozen. Frozen from fear, pain, anger, shock, or in some cases, they feel frozen because of time.  At this moment in my life, I feel frozen. Not frozen as in cold, frozen as in stationary. Frozen as in stuck. I am at the age of being between a child and a woman. I am growing and changing so drastically everyday...But right now, I feel frozen.
     My father has recently joined the Air National Guard and will be leaving in the next few months for Basic Training and then probably Tech School. He'll be away from us for a little over six months. *sigh*...When I first heard this news I was deeply saddened, but I didn't let it hit me. I could feel the news of change that was about to be spoken and I readily held a wall up. I left cracks open in the wall so I could hear the news that was being told to me, but I would not let it affect me how I knew it probaby would. I love my Father (Step father) very deeply and I will miss him terribly. I still remember when I was a little girl before he and my mother married. I had fallen in love with him almost as fast as my Mama had. My dear mother was trying to make everything right for me and was tryiing to make things work with my Biological father. (I can only imagine the strength it took to do that for me..Thank you Mama for going through all of that.) I don't remember much from that time, except that I missed Tyler more than anything.~ (Tyler=StepDad) ~Dad had given me a Princess Barbie (that my Biological father decided to throw away behind my back. I found out later) and all I had left from the Barbie was it's little purple crown. I carried that crown around and held it close to my heart constantly thinking of my future Step-Dad. I prayed and prayed for God to send Tyler back into mine and my Mother's life. Thank the good Lord, he did! I'm so, so very thankful for that...
  So many memories have flooded back like that one has, recently. Now the wall I put up is crumbling down. Now I start to cry at the thought of his departure.  I know he must leave. I know it's what's best. But...I almost can't bare to think about it. But...I will be strong for my family. I will not make this any tougher on any of them. I will be strong for my sisters and for my mother. I trust that God will hold us in His precious hands and help my family and myself as we enter this new Season in our lives, this very different season...
  At the present time, we are all frozen, my family and I. We are frozen, waiting to hear the date that Dad is to leave for the six months. Frozen in this season in our life. We're frozen like the flower above. We are still alive and you can see our color through the ice that covers and hold us still where we are. We are stuck in this fog as we wait and prepare for the massive change that our family is fixing to face...I pray that the Good Lord speeds up time for us and calms our impatient hearts and melts the ice that holds us captive in the season we are in. We are a strong family and have made it through many tough times and I know we'll make it through this one! But, I am so very ready, as I'm sure the flower was above, for our life to open it's new petals and bloom. But, at the moment we are frozen. At the moment, we are waiting. We are waiting like the ice caged rose above, for the sun to melt the ice so we can began our new future! Thank you God, for our beautiful future! I can hardly wait....I dream of the day in the near future when we see and feel the sun begin to melt the ice...the ice that is keeping us frozen in the present time.
    Thank you God for my family! Thank you for our beautiful future! Thank you for sending my Dad~(Step-Dad)~to my Mother and myself! Thank you for sending us to Idaho! Thank you for so much...Thank you for loving us as you have...<3