Caught between sleep and awake...

                  Have you ever felt like you're caught between sleep and awake? You wake up and live your life as you always have, taking each moment as it awaits you. But, you're dissconnected. Whether you mean to be, or not. It is the most strange feeling, almost numbing in a sense...I have experianced it recently.
    I have tried my best to make it a habit to pray. To talk to my Heavenly Father about whatever is happening in my life. Whether the subject is good or bad. I didn't realize it, but I have recently stopped doing that as much as I was. It now is not my first action when I wake up in the morning, or my last one when I go to bed. I have unintentionally closed that part of me off. The part of me that knows I should go to God about any and everything. I just...stopped. It just seems like every issue I have or problem in my life doesn't seem like it's big enough to whine to Him about. I know everything that hurts me or makes me angry, is nothing compared to what some others deal with. So, I keep it locked inside. I close off, even from the one who can fix my problems. I get myself caught between sleep and awake. I try to hush the aggrivations and pains without any help from anyone. It's one of those times you think, "I'm a big girl. My issues could always be worse. Suck it up and move on. Don't bother anybody with it.They don't need anything else negative in their life."
  I have learned that your family is your family for a reason. They love you more than others. They understand you more than others. They are your family. God is the head of my family. He is my father, above my father on earth. He loves me more than any others can possibly love me. He understands me more than anybody ever can. He is my Father. I am only so strong. I have to remind myself of that and recently I had to have that pointed out to me. I'm not meant to hold every pain and aggrivation inside of me. No one is that strong. No one...Everyone needs God. I don't know what I'd be without him. The more I think about it...I wouldn't be anything at all. He makes me every inch of who I am, who I was, and who I will be...
  Today it was pointed out to me, by my mother that I needed to cry. I tried to think back to the last time I had really cried, and I mean really cried. Not shed a tear from watching a sad movie. A cleansing cry. the answer was, I couldnt't remember when. Today I cried. Today, I really cried. I got down onto my knees and cried and asked God to hold me in His hands and take away the things that have been bothering me. I cried in the arms of my Heavenly Father as He held onto me tightly, calming sobs. Hushing my soul. I felt His love again for me today. His immense, and beautiful love. I am not unbreakable. I can't bear all I wish I could. I need my God. I need my family. They are what make me as strong as I am.
 I'm so thankful for them. I am thankful for my beautiful friend who has walked with me during these few weeks while I have been so out of it. The kindness and love he showed, made my days of being "caught between sleep and awake," as bearable as they could ever be. Throwing unexpected smiles in all through out each day. I'm so very thankful for you.
      After today I feel, awake. I am no longer...caught. <3